What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
