sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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