i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i've created a new STD.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
