I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
