TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
