AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize