Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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