Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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