Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
