I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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