If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
