HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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