OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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