This girl is more easily done than said...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
