he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
