ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
