im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
