pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
