There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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