Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
