My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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