so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
