Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
