He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize