You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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