i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Found the puke drawer
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
