i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
