Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
