Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
