why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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