my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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