i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
a search helicopter?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
