he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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