I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
