apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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