if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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