you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
