i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
