so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
