My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and you said cock pushups were impossible
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's rum buckets o'clock
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
