i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
