It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
