They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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