haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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