Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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