i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
