Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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