sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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