I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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