I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
