New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
