Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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