I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
