girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
