I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
