forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
