You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
