Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
