Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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