At least make sure they are 18
Why
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize