I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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