Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
