is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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