I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
ttyl tear gas
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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