my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
