Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
