He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize