i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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