I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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