you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
