never play flip cup with pint glasses
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
