Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize